


Bulgejobs

by vamprav



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blow Jobs, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Meteorstuck, Podfic Welcome, Tentabulges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:17:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamprav/pseuds/vamprav
Summary: For trolls letting another letting another person wrap their mouth around your bulge is the ultimate show of submission or trust. Karkat stumbles across human porn - because of fucking course Dave brought human porn with him and uploaded it on the meteor’s main server - and is both mildly horrified and a little turned on.





	Bulgejobs

**Author's Note:**

> My second ever attempt at porn so if it is cringy I apologize. Also, Dave is total just wearing his sunglasses through the entire thing.

Summary: For trolls letting another letting another person wrap their mouth around your bulge is the ultimate show of submission or trust. Karkat stumbles across human porn - because of fucking course Dave brought human porn with him and uploaded it on the meteor’s main server - and is both mildly horrified and a little turned on.

Pairing: Dave ♡ Karkat

 

Karkat paused the video and stared at the screen. And stared. And stared. And stared some more, unable to completely believe what he had just witnessed.

When Rose had found out that Dave had uploaded human porn into the meteor’s main server via Sollux’s scream of horror and demands to know ‘where ii2 thii2 woman’2 bulge? Diid 2omeone cut iit off?’ she had immediately corralled all of the trolls on the meteor and began to schoolfeed them on the nature of human reproduction.

Well, after she had yelled at Dave until he’d actually apologized.

APOLOGIZED!

Karkat had left the session twitchy, Sollux had been utterly speechless, Equius had been sweating more than usual, Nepeta had demanded access to the human internet, Gamzee had dragged Tavros off somewhere, and Eridan had a dreamy look on his face that Karkat refused to interpret or even look at for extended periods of time.

Karkat had spent a few days stewing and then given into curiosity and cued up one of the more tamely named videos: Secretary fucked over desk.

It wasn’t the anatomy on the screen he had a problem it was… it was… it was the fact that the woman in the video had just wrapped her mouth around the man’s bulge.

Stuff like that was only in the kinkiest of pale and pitch porn. It was rare to find it because you really had to use real moirails or kismesises because otherwise you risked someone ragespoding or getting their bulge bitten off. And it was hard to find those kinds of pairs willing to share with the universe.

Also, this couple wasn’t playing pale or pitch, they were playing flush. And the thought of someone letting Karkat do that flush or having someone doing it to him flush…

Karkat clenched his legs together as his nook pulsed and bit his lip lightly. He shouldn’t be watching this, he should turn it off and go yell at Dave about how gross his human mating practises were.

Karkat pressed play.

No one saw him for another five days.

And then Dave came looking for you.

“Vantas, where’ve you been? No one’s-”

“Does all of your human porn have this?” Karkat interrupts and Dave paused, looking at Karkat.

Karkat and the array of full to the brim pails that surrounded him and his laptop. One lusus white eyebrow appeared over the dark brim of his shades.

“What part?” Dave asked, voice incredibly amused. “The dirty talk or the absence of buckets as anything but a prop?”

“The- the bulge sucking.” Karkat said as a blush spread across his face.

“Um, yeah, pretty much. What? You trolls’ve never heard of a blowjob before?” Dave asked.

His other eyebrow joined the first as the blush intensified and Karkat sputtered in either indignation or embarrassment.

“N-not like this!” Karkat finally yelled, gesturing towards the screen and Dave honestly didn’t want to know. “They’re obviously playing Flushed and... and…”

More blushing. Followed by a squeaky sound that might have been indignant if it wasn’t so turned on.

Dave sighed, he was beginning to regret bringing the porn but in all fairness he hadn’t thought he would be getting laid on the regular when he had and since he still wasn’t - he and Karkat were still in the sloppy make out phase - it was probably a good investment. He could due without the pointed questions from Eridan though.

“So which quadrants involve blowjobs?” He asked because the fact that he hadn’t gotten to do that yet was starting to make much more sense now.

Dave had already guessed that handjobs weren’t a thing because friction burn was a bitch with a human dick and trolls apparently had much thinner skin and more nerve endings in that area and troll palms were slightly abrasive. But blowjobs… How were they not a thing?

“Pale and pitch.”

“Pitch?” Dave asked mildly startled. Pale he kind of got, it was weird since that ‘quadrant’ was supposedly non-sexual but he got it. But pitch?

“It’s a submission thing and a trust thing.” Karkat said, looking incredibly huffy. “If your kismesis isn’t quick enough with the bucket you lose the material. And have you seen our teeth?”

“Yes, I have. And again I ask. Pitch? Wouldn’t they just, I don’t know, bite it off?”

Karkat shuddered, crossed his legs, and lowered his hands into the universal sign of ‘oh god, please not the crotch’. “That happens with pairs that really should go ashen and haven’t because they have no think sponge. It’s an immediate culling offence.”

Dave’s lips pursed because that actually made quite a lot of sense. Intelligence was an important trait and a troll unable to produce more trolls was somewhat useless for the species as a whole.

The human sighed, walked further into the room, and pulled the husk top off of Karkat’s lap, shutting it as he set it down a few feet away.

“Hey!” Karkat yelped, “I was watching-”

The troll’s tirade was cut off as Dave folded himself into the space the computer had occupied and nuzzled the side of his face. The keening whimper that escaped past Karkat’s lips as Dave nibbled on his ear was almost painfully desperate.

“Do you want one?” Dave asked and ground down on the shorter boy’s lap.

“Wha- what?” Karkat gasped, head buried in the crook of Dave’s neck.

“A blowjob.” Dave said, voice a deep rumble in his chest as his dick started taking more than a passing interest in what was going on.

Karkat moaned.

“Well, bulgejob, really. Since you don’t have a dick.” Dave mused.

“Yes,” Karkat gasped and Dave shoved him down onto the floor.

Clothes went flying and Dave had his hand wrapped around a squirming tentacle dick before Karkat had time to catch his breath. It squirms and wraps itself around his fingers, which was mildly disconcerting.

Dave had never held a moving dick before, not that he’d ever held a dick other than his own but that’s besides the point. The point is he has a blood red tentacle dick wrapped around his hand and that shouldn’t be as hot as it is but all Dave can think about is how it might taste.

“Oh,” Karkat moaned, “oh, that’s- that’s, come on, Stri- strider. It’s not gonna- Ooooooooh! Fuck!”

Dave swallowed the bulge down without any preamble and nearly choked as the writhing tip hit the back of his throat. He pulled off slightly, getting a more manageable mouthful.

Karkat looked starry eyed as he stared down at his matesprit, pupils blown wide in pleasure.

“Fuck! Shit, Strider, that’s, ah. Oh, gog.” Karkat breathed, voice oddly quiet and deeper than usual.

The words sent a pang of lust shooting down Dave’s spine to coil low in his belly, dick twitching in anticipation. If this was how Karkat sounded while getting his bulge sucked how would he sound with Dave’s dick in his nook?

Could nooks even fit a human dick?

Dave skimmed his right hand up Karkat’s leg to rest on his hip, thumb rubbing at the juncture of leg and torso and sucked on the bulge in his mouth.

Karkat’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, skull thunking against the floor as his back arched upwards, and he screamed.

Dave almost let go but the litany, “don’t stop, don’t stop I will rip out your blood pusher and feed it to you raw, I swear to gog,” kept him in place. He kept sucking on the bulge in his mouth as Karkat’s back slowly lowered itself back onto the floor, letting his thumb inch steadily down the inside of the trolls thigh until it came to rest just under the base of the bulge in his mouth.

There’s a slightly damp slit there and Dave presses in just a bit.

Karkat screams again but this time there’s genetic material flooding Dave’s mouth and over his hand and Dave jerked back, spilling the liquid all down his front. It wouldn’t have been noticeable in the god tier pajamas but Dave was wearing his white t-shirt so now he looked like a really bad slasher film had exploded all over him.

At least the genetic material didn’t taste all that bad, meaty and vaguely sweat but not bad, not like that one time Dave had licked his fingers after he jerked off - never again! - and Karkat looked fucking debouched.

Dave crawled up Karkat’s body to kiss his stupid, pretty face and stuck his hand into his pants to jerk himself. He came faster than he had since he’d that discovered his dick plus friction equaled orgasms.

He hummed and nuzzled into Karkat’s shoulder. “Hey,” he murmured, arms wrapping around the other boy.

“Hey,” Karkat purred and wow he sounded fucked out, “that was fucking awesome.”

“Hm,” Dave said, “Wanna do it again,” Karkat’s stomach growled, “after food.”

Karkat kissed Dave’s cheek, “Sure.”


End file.
